Crazy Hazy Daisy

Tonight it was absolutely beautiful.  I worked until 9 then I went to pick up the kiddo at grams.  We got home about 940ish or so and she was still up when I got her out of the car.  There was no moon or clouds in the sky tonight so you could see all of stars you could possibly imagine.  I said to Kels…look up at all the stars.  I have never shown her a sky like tonight’s before…we have always just looked at the moon.  Well if her eyes didn’t get 10 times bigger.  Then she kept saying…”stars”…”pretty”…”oh goodness”…”touch it?”  When she said touch it she reached out her arm like as if she was reaching for the sky.  I wanted to correct her by saying no they are too far away.  Then I thought…no.  I told her…you can’t quite touch them yet…but you keep reaching for them and someday you will get them, don’t ever think something you want is too far out of reach…

I’m not quite sure what it is that amazes me so much about a beautiful sky, but evidentally I passed it on to her.  I could have sat and looked at tonight’s sky for hours.  It was simply amazing…no shooting stars though, bummer because I could have really used a wish!

I don’t need to explain anything for this…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQek_mRa3Ig

…is a spur of the moment ice cream date with a best friend.

…is for someone to say they are proud of you and how far you’ve come and actually mean it.

…is to be wrapped in a hug by strong arms.

…to do is realize life is too short to not worry about the important things and to worry about the silly things.

…is to have the ability to bring a smile to someones face.

…is a call from the little brother that brings good news.

…is to finally realize…you’re back.

Recently I had been driving around listening to sad depressing music instead of my fun jamming out tunes.  Except for one day last week I found my old school rap cd.  Oh fun.  I hadn’t listened to it since the day that I found it…except for today.  Today just started off bad.  Really bad.  Nothing specific happened…it was just an irritating day and I was moody.  Maybe because it was my first day back to work since Monday…yes, that’s the excuse I’ll use.  I dropped the kiddo off at my grams and I was going to stop at the gas station before work…but it was pouring down rain and being that I actually did my hair today I didn’t want to get it wet.  Girly…I know.  I disgust myself sometimes.  So I pop in my old school rap cd on the way to work and as I pull in the parking lot I’ve got it blaring.  I was meeting one of my girls from work outside for her break before I had to go up and as I was pulling in there was this guy standing in the back lot on his cell phone.  I think nothing of it and just continue blaring OPP.  As I’m standing there with her he comes walking back up to go into the building and he stops to ask me.  “Were you just bumping to OPP?”  My response…”Ya you know me!”  Oh it was so perfect.  He laughed and gave me a thumbs up for the old school tunes.  Normally I suck at giving really awesome come backs.  This one just flowed.  After listening to that cd pretty much everywhere I went today…I’m going to have to say I think it’s going to be in there for quite a while.  I typically love music that has meaning.  That’s why I’m such a music freak, because I have to look for the meaning in every song.  Old school rap…really has no meaning.  No emotion…at least none that I can relate to.  Right now I’m sick of listening to songs that make me think about things way too much, I’m sick of listening to songs that make me cry, I’m sick of listening to songs that make me wonder…I just need fun songs now that have no meaning what so ever…it’s really hard to find good songs that don’t.  At least in my eyes. 

After almost 4 years in the same desk at work…today I finally moved.  I requested to be moved on Friday and I’m still in shock that my boss approved the move to my new desk.  It’s right by Mikki’s.  So now, we’re neighbors in real life and in work life again.  We used to sit by each other when she first started and that’s how we became friends.  Actually I’m still in awe about how our families have been friends since we were both little, but her and I never really met.  It’s that everything happens for a reason thing I guess.  ;)  Ok…back to topic…when I was moving today I seriously could not believe how much stuff that I accumulated over the past 4 years.  Scratch that…I can believe it…I just never realized how much it actually was.  It took me a good hour to move all my stuff 2 rows down.  I shit you not.  See, I’m the person at work that when someone needs something…they come to my desk and I have it.  I did end up getting rid of a bunch of stuff, but all my toys stayed.  I’m still a kid at heart.  All of my bouncy balls stayed, my 2 donkey dragons stayed, my grumpy bear and good luck bear pictures stayed, and of course…my Ben and Orlando pictures stayed.  One of the girls that is leaving at the end of the week gave me her lizard that she had on her desk.  I was so giddy about this guy all night long…come to think of it…maybe that’s how I end up collecting so much stuff.  Meh…he’s cute so I think I’ll keep him.  I still have a bunch of paper work to go through when I get back to work on Thursday.  I really hated not having it all done knowing that I’m not going to be there for the next 2 days…but oh well.  I’ll get over it I guess.  All in all…I’m happy for the change there.  See…things are changing and it’s just what I need.  Now that I’m actually in “change mode”  maybe I’ll get around to dying my hair in my time off…

Over the past month I’ve been racking my brain to figure out what I should do.  It was something I didn’t want to talk to anyone about because I thought it was a decision I had to make on my own with no outside influences.  Boy was I wrong.  This past month I have been so stressed out because I couldn’t make up my mind.  Should I stay or should I go now?  That was my big issue.  Towards the end of July I went to my parents in Indiana to help them when they got their cable installed.  I used to work for that very same cable company.  I got to talking with the tech that was there about how I used to work there and what not.  He had mentioned that they were hurting for people and they were hiring.  Long story short…I actually put in my app and emailed my old boss about a week ago.  I was seriously debating about moving back home to Indiana.  I finally broke down last night with all the stress that I brought on myself…once again making things harder that what they actually are.  I sat outside and just thought.  Put on my sad songs and cried.  I’m not talking about a tear here and there…I’m talking about bawling hysterically.  I had a huge meltdown last night.  It’s ok though.  It was a huge release for me…something I needed badly.  During that time I was talking to a friend…I never told her about what was going on with me, but I finally let it out.  She told me that this is my home now, everything happens for a reason and there is a reason that I am here in Elton.  I’m a huge believer in everything happens for a reason, but I didn’t believe her last night…not even this morning.  Took me all day to finally believe it, and I had to put two and two together to figure it out.  I needed some sort of sign that I am supposed to be here…something to tell me to not go, because right then I just wanted to pack up and go so bad, but yet I still felt there was hope for this town and I didn’t want to leave.  This morning though…I got a phone call.  That was my sign.  It was a call from another department in Metlife that wanted me to come in and interview for a full time position.  I know damn well I’m not going to take the position.  It’s in HR…and right now Metlife is shipping jobs over to India and HR will be on that list of soon to go.  It was a sign that still gave me hope that there is something more here for me.  I just have to be patient and things will start working out.  Once I weighed out the options of my old home to my new one…I can’t see any point to moving back to Indiana.  I do see things that I should stick around here for.  My place isn’t the place that I would like…no yard…no porch…oddball landlord, but I’m doing it on my own and if it’s what I can afford right now then so be it.  I should be damn proud of that.  Today, I finally woke up and looked around…and I am damn proud of myself.  Yes I may break down from time to time…but really…who doesn’t?  Now I can go back to being the happy giddy silly crackhead Aimee most people know me as.  It feels good. 

I know it…that’s half the reason why I can never organize anything because I just collect too much useless crap.  My parents were over on Wednesday to help me pack up stuff for a yard sale at their house, and it really took everything I had to pack up some of the stuff I did.  Most stuff we packed was baby stuff…because in actual reality when am I ever going to use it again?  I’ve already decided I don’t want anymore children, even though I’ve always wanted a boy, but I just don’t see myself having anymore of my own at this point.  So what is the point of storing all the baby stuff if I never plan on using it again, other than keeping it just to be a pack rat…there is no reason.  We had the yard sale yesterday, and my parents put out a whole bunch of “useless” crap.  Heh…useless to them…not useless to me the packrat.  I should not have gone to help with the sale, because I ended up keeping stuff that I don’t need.  I did wait to grab what I wanted until after the sale was over, if it didn’t sell…it was mine.  My dad was trying to sell his Ryan Doumit bobble head.  Um…excuse me.  I know it’s just a bobble head, but everyone in the world knows that I have the biggest crush on Mr. Doumit.  (Which he makes an awesome addition to my little sports collection btw.) Ya, most sports boys are cute, some are fugly, but I just think Mr. Doumit is adoreable.  Needless to say…He came home with me.  My mom kept teasing me that I was going home to sleep with Ryan tonight…and since he left the game the other night she teased me that he left just so that he could come to me.  Of course then I had to pick on her, she thought Ryan Malone was a cutie pie.  That was her sports boy crush…I just said, well at least my Ryan is still in the burgh!  I ended up coming home with much more than I needed, but I got rid of a bunch of stuff so I have room right?  It will be a scary day when I actually get up in the attic and go through all my old stuff. 

Spammers.  I am really beginning to hate them.  Today alone I had 20 spam comments to approve or mark spam.  It’s annoying.  This site is not searchable under search engines…so how are they finding me?  I used to have this listed on myspace…but I took it off and regardless I’m listed as private on myspace.  I have no clue how to stop these annoying pests…I never had this problem before, why is it coming up now all of a sudden?  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……………….

I do! I do!  No…for real…I’m waiting on banana bread to be out of the oven now.  I’m cracked…I know.  Who on earth bakes at midnight?  Of course it will be 115 until it’s done…but it’s for someone very special.  It’s not like I wouldn’t be up anyway, right?  Besides baking brings me joy and I’m pretty damn good at it…at least I think I am.  Zetty…I love ya.

So ever since I lost my Steelers lighter at the bar on my birthday weekend I’ve been looking for a new one.  Last night while at Giant Eagle I spotted some on the Steelers rack.  Not really looking at it, I grab a black one with the Steeler logo on it.  Well…today after looking at it a little bit closer…on the back it has players in black and white.  It’s kind of shadowy and hard to notice.  Looking at it a little closer…I notice that the helmets have the Patriots logo on it.  WTF.  I don’t see one Steeler player on it…all Pats.  I hate the damn Pats with a passion.  I could respect the Pats being on something that supports the Steelers if it was a nice Tom Brady sack, but no…it looks like a whole line of Pats.  Seriously…I’m speechless.  I should go burn it, but then I’d probably blow up.